My trauma is the least interesting thing about me.

And it’s taken me a lifetime to know that.

I’ve got some JUICY trauma!

A little, “Running With Scissors,” and “Glass Castle” type shit.

• sexual abuse ✔️

• Addicted parents ✔️

• instability ✔️✔️

• deep poverty ✔️✔️

• food insecurity ✔️✔️

• death ✔️

• abduction✔️

the rests were brief and still deeply challenging.

(this is me being a bit one dimensional and safe on the internet about my experience growing up.)

There’s also just some WEIRD sh*t that happened.

Psychic fire starting. Stigmata. Alien sh*t. Visitations by dead people that broke into the corporeal realm. And more.

Let’s just say, i had the right ingredients to be a COMPLETELY ungrounded weirdo. And that i could have justified continuing the patterns.

When my dad died, something snapped into place for me. I CONSCIOUSLY chose to not replicate my parents patterns.

It meant NOT doing a lot of the things my friends were doing.

I stayed home alone a lot on purpose to get good with my own company.

I started having a daily practice when I was 17 As a way of harnessing my energy and focusing on self mastery.

I got still.

I got quiet.

And I wrote a lot of passionate, and in my own way angry (truthful) songs, poetry and I painted a lot.

To not float away, I anchored down and got INCREDIBLY disciplined about self tending and self examination.

I needed to know i had my own back, because it was apparent that none of the adults in my life would consistently be able to be there for me. So I worked and started paying rent and getting things i wanted with my own money really young.

I got obsessed with monasticism and was curious about how i could apply monastic principles to my life while being “in the world.”

I worked really hard at school with my super Dysregulated nervous system and did extra so I would stand out and be offered opportunities beyond my circumstances.

I got REALLY GOOD at hustling. It was EXHAUSTING — And, I didn’t see another way to steer the ship in another direction to a life I actually wanted to live.

The thing about opposites tho … is that they begin to look the same — just maybe a LITTLE better. Micro-progressions that take decades to compound into substantial change.

At my core, I was still a scared, scrappy little girl.

The most INTERESTING things about me are not my trauma — even though my stories have made and would make great art.

It’s not my daily practice discipline — even tho that set a foundation for training my nervous system towards taking risks and conditioned me to recognize my own desires, and define myself by who I am now, vs by what has happened TO me.

The most interesting thing about me is the breadth and depth of my range. And, my ability to transform.

I can be the poor, scappy, victimized kid, and unfold into being the abundant, sovereign adult.

I can be the disciplined HARD WORKER with a daily practice, and the laid back matriarch that summons the right clients through the frequency of being.

I can be an off-grid homesteader showering once a week, and a bougie first class bitch.

Coherence with the truth is the standard.

It takes COURAGE to leap from what’s known into a more generous reality, even if what’s known is not what you would EVER choose for yourself.

Ready for your trauma to not be the most interesting thing about you? Join me as a Field Oracle.